Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for February, 2011

I feel like a mess.

Maybe a happy mess.

I feel lots of things all at the same time….I’m a woman and I’m 7 1/2 months pregnant…go figure…

Currently, lots of things are going wrong with my body physically…minor things, thank you Lord…but annoying things…one of which is so embarrasing…I have this cyst type thing on my lip…it’s ugly…and I have to wait until the baby is born to have surgery to get it removed…Yeah…not fun being as though I feel like it sticks out a mile from my mouth when I am talking to someone…

And currently, I am not feeling beautiful… but kinda big…swollen…ect…you know…

I was at the pharmacy today picking up some things and I saw this girl…she was the cutest thing…twenty-something…blonde hair blue eyes…fit and toned…

And I found myself getting insecure…comparing myself to her…wondering if my husband Daniel gets tired of looking at me…if he secretly looks at me while I am taking 30 minutes to pull up maternity pants and thinks “gross” to himself….

I know I am so dramatic…but these are things I think…

And then…it’s almost like God speaks to me through my precious husband…

(And please know that I am not bragging on my marriage and I am not trying to make it sound like my husband is perfect or our marriage is bliss…it annoys me when people do that…because that is not reality… yes, I am blessed with an amazing husband but our marriage is totally like a roller coaster…one moment I will want to shout from a mountain how in love I am and then it will be the exact next moment he does something that makes me mad and I call him a cuss word in my head or I do something completely immature and idiotic and I feel so tiny and absurd)

So…getting on with it…we had our annual pig roast at the Ranch tonight…a huge fundraiser where close to 500 people come and eat pig and bid on items…it is fun…I never thought watching an auction where people spend lots and lots of money on things like a canoe or a shot gun or a signed Cam Newton football would be fun…but it is…and the money goes to the Ranch, so it is truly a wonderful event…

So, as my little insecure self was walking around mingling and being sociable, all-the-while trying to conceal my little (ha!) lip matter…I noticed Daniel…

Every now and again, throughout the night, he would come up behind me and put his hand on the small of my back…or he would smile his sweet smile that makes me melt into mush…he would wink at me…or put his hand on my knee or around my shoulder…he would sit close to me…

And those small, seemingly insignificant things, that he probably has no clue about, make me feel so precious to him…loved to him…beautiful to him…

I know that he loves me just the way I am…the mess that I am…

And I know that God is the same way…

I try to gussy up for Him…say pretty words to Him…or not speak to Him at all because I know too well the shape I am in and I’d rather not be honest…

But, I have been reminded lately that God desires truthfulness from us…from the deepest parts of who we are…the things you don’t want Him to know but He knows them anyway because He is God…

And on our worst days…our ugliest spiritual days….when it is all layed out on the table…he smiles at us…puts His arm around us…and assures us of His love…

That we are His treasure…His beloved…the Apple of His Eye just the way we are…

And it makes me melt.

Happy Weekend to you Friends!!! We will be soaking up every ounce of sunshine tomorrow!

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

Wanting

I am in a funk with reading the Bible. 

Simply put, I don’t do it enough. 

I know the Bible…God’s Word… is powerful, beautiful, poetic, filled with history and brimming with promises and hope…so why don’t I read it?

Plenty of excuses, to be sure…

And the thing is… I don’t just want to read it…I want to become a student of it…I want to know more history…I want to really know the Bible…be passionate and excited about it… the way Maris gets excited about hay bails…or flowers…or suckers…

I want to love it…

I also want our apartment to magically clean itself right now…but, that wont happen…I have to get off my butt and be disciplined to clean it…

So it is, in the same way, I wont magically become a student of the Word…I have to be disciplined to read it when I don’t feel like it…study and memorize it when I’d rather turn on the television and watch American Idol…

Praying for this…

My life, my attitude, my thoughts would be so different if I were in love with His word…

I hope you had a fabulous weekend dear ones…

Much Love to You!

Read Full Post »

Happy Valentines Day

Happy V-Day!!! From me and my little loves to you and yours!

Read Full Post »