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Archive for October, 2011

Facing the Dark

Fear has held me in its grip…It has been tighter lately…I wonder if it has to do with postpartum…After Maris was born I went through agonizing anxiety, panic, fears…

Davis was born next and then three months later I was pregnant again.

I think pregnancy almost brings me some sort of security…The strange and awesome fact that it’s not just me… There is this other one being formed by the Creator…it brings an unusual sense of “you can’t touch me”….I am with child…I am in progress…

And then, after Mac was born things were so insanely busy…We were getting ready to leave…Trying to find time to just breathe…

And now….I’m breathing….It’s just me…Now I am discovering myself as a mother…And while I am enjoying it and reveling in the grit and blood and sweat and tears….God is making me face the darkness…the darkness of what holds me in its grip…Fear.

Fear manipulates me.  It says to me horrible things that could happen. To Me. To those I love.  I won’t write this or that…I won’t speak this or that…For fear that it might be the end.  Fear keeps me from totally enjoying and loving what God has given me…simply because I fear once I do, it will be taken away from me.  All the while, life is drifting by…and fear keeps me from living. Fully living.

Yesterday morning I was praying….Crying and begging God to help me with it. To answer me. To help me get over fear of death.

I went to my Esther Bible study.

It was on fear.

I cried the entire time, trying to hide it from the other women who I didn’t want to see my ugly crying face…

Beth Moore spoke God’s words directly to me…

I knew God was telling me it is time. Time to get over this. Time to face it and break its power over me.

If the worst did happen…God would be there…and He would get me through…

I am wanting to be free…praying to live fully…enjoy deeply…And when satan’s tactics come and his lure to fear beckons me…I want to be able to laugh in his ugly face…

Sorry this post is depressing…Just what I am going through lately…

This life as a Believer in a world like we live in is no. freakin. joke.

But we have a hope that is great and a God that is greater. He will redeem.

Love to You Dear Friends.

 

 

 

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Last Saturday my parents, my aunt, and I spent the afternoon in downtown Fairhope.  I parked surprisingly close to Mary Ann’s, where we were eating lunch, and unloaded the kids into their double-stroller.  It was a busy Saturday in downtown as there was an art festival, book signings, music…ect…

I strolled the babies along the sidewalk passing a lady who gave me that familiar look that said…”Bless your heart, darlin, I’ve been there…Yours are so cute…But would not trade places with you for a second!…” Complete with a little giggle as she walked past me…

As we finally got into Mary Ann’s and settled at a table… and the ordeal that actually was, I was reminded why I NEVER GET OUT…But then quickly realized why I NEED TO!!!…We saw people we love and know…There was really good music playing somewhere outside…There were artists and authors talking to us…Mom bought his book…There were people laughing and talking over really. good. deli food…There were all kinds of funky/quirky people walking around…It was really great soul stuff…ya know?

As I was heading back home I just felt so thankful to be in Fairhope again.  Growing up in Fairhope was not always fun and there are plenty of things I wish weren’t so about it…(sometimes people in cities like ours can be a tad snobby…maybe a lot snobby)…I’ve witnessed it….But I’ve also witnessed some of the truest, loveliest people I’ve ever known.  There are memories all over the place…It’s home!

I can’t help but think about how that is such a tiny glimpse of how Heaven will be…Loads of lovable people, interesting people, THE Person, rich culture, good food, amazing music, endless adventure and fun, all enveloped in worshipping Him…

It will be unbelievable.

Loving Fairhope you guys!

Loving You Darlin!!! 🙂

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This Sweet Home…

Come on in…

And my favorite room in the whole house…

The Bathroom!

It is spacious and far away from little ones…

Please forgive me for taking so long to blog…The last two weeks have been exciting but extremely stressful…

Our new home is so wonderful…I wake up every morning kind of in shock and pinching myself that we are actually in a house this pretty and a neighborhood this sweet…and so close to Walmart :)…

I still have so much work to do…and it is so hard getting unpacked and things in their places when it seems like everytime I start to do something, someone needs juice or a hug or a spanking…

So, I am resolved to take it one day at a time and if our house is a mess….then it is a mess…!

I am really trying to learn the skill and discipline of playing with my kids and not being so obsessed with how my house looks…It is really hard to do!…

I hope you are doing fantastic and having a great week!

I will post more pics soon! I am currently working on the bedrooms…

Love to You!!!

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